Am I no longer the mum with “no village”?

I recently read a blogpost that it made think about my motherhood experience in this country. I recommend you to read it, it was called When You’re the Mom with no village by Jay Miranda.  I felt quite related to her feelings of solitude away from family. The phrase itself says “it takes a village to raise a child” and is basically talking about the support community that a child needs in order to grow and learn, being the community: family, friends, educators, etc.

But what about us, mums? Do we need a village as well? Back in Barcelona we used to have my family side on a 10 minute drive distance and my in-laws on a 30 minutes drive. Not too bad, right? It’s not only we had family close by, but for us, family equals friends, cause the relationship we have with them is so good that we love spending time together, having a good laugh and sharing moments. We also have good friends that we can hang out with so our life there was quite well-balanced except for our jobs and finances.

Moving to UK helped us settle our finances down and be more self-reliant but we lost all the other part of the equation. For quite a while I was and I felt like the mum with “no village”. We met people at church, we met people on other groups, some of them young parents like us, some of them older or younger than us and single, but we never got to “click” with them. I don’t know, it was maybe us, but so many times I wished I could hold a conversation with someone without actually trying to make an effort of bringing up topics, or being nice but it never happened. Well, being more accurate, it did happened with a few people, but apparently the feeling wasn’t reciprocate, so I was turned down! haha…

We are no longer without a village, more family have joined us in the UK, and even though they will live an hour away from us, I know it will be good for my children to visit with them regularly. Sam’s family are a hard-working loving people so it was a pleasure spending two weeks with “Tia Nati” (auntie Nati) and “Vovo” (grandma). J was so excited every day and her Portuguese skills increased significantly of just this exposure. Our little E used to fall asleep quite easily with his vovo, just like it happened with his yaya (my mum)…there’s something in a grandma’s body that seem to have this hypnotic effect when they hold a baby, LOL

I must admit though that for the first few days I couldn’t stop thinking on MY family, my mum and dad, my brothers, sister-in-law and my little cheeky super cute niece. I missed them more than ever and wished they would join us here as well. Something unlikely to happen…But I couldn’t be more grateful to God that is giving us the opportunity to have more family around. I wish I could tell you how to be the mum with a village, but unfortunately I don’t think my social skills have improved that much since then. My only advice, the one that I give to myself, is to keep trying, and among those many attempts someone will come your way, and you will have a village, you will be able to trust someone, to laugh with someone, to hold a conversation without making an effort.

What is your story? Do you have your own “village”?


February, the longest month of the year

How is it possible that the shortest month of the year turn out to be the longest one? Even today, being February 28th, we are counting hours for this month to finish. We usually try with all our stories to be on a positive mood, the fact is that that’s how we always try to see things, with the glass as half full. But, sometimes, and just sometimes, days seem eternal, what you expect doesn’t come and what you don’t it ends up happening. And I am still contemplating the idea of publishing this post or not, because I know that when better times come and I feel more cheerful I might regret of writing this to let off some steam. However, it’s just fine, we will keep things in the family..
We love, I mean, I love watching shows like Ellen Degeneres or The Tonight Show, they’re most of the time entertaining and full of overcoming stories. Only yesterday, watching an interview to Kanye West, Ellen asked him “what have you done to stop reflecting/feeling so angry?”, I’m not even a big fan of him, I might just like a couple of his songs, but I liked his answer. He said “I have realised that if I keep acting the same way nothing is going to change, if I want to obtain different results I will have to do something different”(paraphrasing him a bit of course, cause I watch this show at night half asleep and in English…:P) But it is like that, we can’t expect to achieve our goals if we don’t work hard enough to do it. Feeling down is part of the journey, but even if you’re just trying to see the bright side, the simple fact of trying helps you to grow spiritually and sometimes temporally.

So here they are…the positive things of this month of February (we could share our little ups and downs and challenges, but what for?! everyone has enough of that already…;) :

*Julia tells me “I love you very much” every night. (before she used to just say “very much”) now she says the whole sentence and gives me a kiss.
Eli and Julia

*Sam and I have started new projects and we have been able to buy the equipment we needed!

*We have replaced the gym for long walks and a bit of cycling.

*Julia is developing herself in all areas, she’s full of curiosity and personality. Every day you learn something new with her witticisms.
Sam y Julia

*The love of our families is being reflected by the members in our ward from Church. We won’t have here our loved ones, but Julia has many “nanas” and “grandpas” that give her cuddles, play with her and make her laugh, and that, it’s just priceless.
relief society logo original

Let’s stop here, we promise next post will be full of colour and good “vibes” along with Spring and the nice weather that will arrive soon…for now, we’ll stick with February for a few more hours.