What happens when you have a big event coming soon, a great achievement for one of the little people that share life with you and then when it happens nothing goes as planned. “A not so perfect graduation” is the story of a mum who learned the hard way to accept their offspring the way they are.
J had her preschool graduation ceremony last Saturday. We had been talking about it since we heard of it. We were all quite excited at home. J loved the idea of being at a party with all her friends and I couldn’t hide the feeling of being a proud mama of my 4 year-old. We got there quite punctual, cause as I said, we were all anxious about the whole thing. Everything went fine in the beginning. We greeted some parents, J started playing with some of her friends, interacting with the staff, normal party, and then the games started.
By then, all parents that were supposed to be there were there so the place was quite full of people. J didn’t want to participate even though we both, Sam and I, tried to encourage her. Because she didn’t join the group at all she didn’t get one of the prizes at the end, which made her sadder, of course. We tried to have a chat with her, find out what was wrong, but she was getting more and more worried as time went by. They played other games, danced a song they had practiced, and took pictures with all the keyworkers.
She didn’t want to do any of those things. It got to a point where she started crying even though we didn’t tell her off at any time, we only tried convincing her with different approaches but none of them worked. She finally told me she was like that because she was scared of so many people in the room. She got very timid and didn’t want to do anything in front of the other parents that she had barely seen in other occasions.
In the beginning I was angry, more than angry, I would say I was disappointed because I know her, I know how happy and bubbly she is, when she feels confident enough. I wanted her to be in front of the stage showing everyone how wonderful my child is. I WAS SO WRONG. All the time I was thinking only about myself, the proud mama not being able to show my little princess’ skills to the rest of the world. I didn’t sympathize with her feelings of apprehension and fear towards strangers.
The truth is that I have a beautiful, creative, adventurer little girl who is also very shy. She is afraid of the dark, of being on her own, and recently of dogs. She’s shy in front of people she doesn’t know at all, adults or kids. Only when she feels confident enough she will reveal herself to you. But she is also sweet, compassionate and caring, a joker and a good friend.
Even if only Sam and I can see it, even if she will only do her shows at home for us and the close family, I LOVE her. The not so perfect graduation has taught me that above what other people think there is my child, and her fears, and she will grow out of them on her own pace, in her own way, and I need to be there for her, not making her feel worse, but showing her that my love is and must be much greater than my pride as a mum.