Am I no longer the mum with “no village”?

I recently read a blogpost that it made think about my motherhood experience in this country. I recommend you to read it, it was called When You’re the Mom with no village by Jay Miranda.  I felt quite related to her feelings of solitude away from family. The phrase itself says “it takes a village to raise a child” and is basically talking about the support community that a child needs in order to grow and learn, being the community: family, friends, educators, etc.

But what about us, mums? Do we need a village as well? Back in Barcelona we used to have my family side on a 10 minute drive distance and my in-laws on a 30 minutes drive. Not too bad, right? It’s not only we had family close by, but for us, family equals friends, cause the relationship we have with them is so good that we love spending time together, having a good laugh and sharing moments. We also have good friends that we can hang out with so our life there was quite well-balanced except for our jobs and finances.

Moving to UK helped us settle our finances down and be more self-reliant but we lost all the other part of the equation. For quite a while I was and I felt like the mum with “no village”. We met people at church, we met people on other groups, some of them young parents like us, some of them older or younger than us and single, but we never got to “click” with them. I don’t know, it was maybe us, but so many times I wished I could hold a conversation with someone without actually trying to make an effort of bringing up topics, or being nice but it never happened. Well, being more accurate, it did happened with a few people, but apparently the feeling wasn’t reciprocate, so I was turned down! haha…

We are no longer without a village, more family have joined us in the UK, and even though they will live an hour away from us, I know it will be good for my children to visit with them regularly. Sam’s family are a hard-working loving people so it was a pleasure spending two weeks with “Tia Nati” (auntie Nati) and “Vovo” (grandma). J was so excited every day and her Portuguese skills increased significantly of just this exposure. Our little E used to fall asleep quite easily with his vovo, just like it happened with his yaya (my mum)…there’s something in a grandma’s body that seem to have this hypnotic effect when they hold a baby, LOL

I must admit though that for the first few days I couldn’t stop thinking on MY family, my mum and dad, my brothers, sister-in-law and my little cheeky super cute niece. I missed them more than ever and wished they would join us here as well. Something unlikely to happen…But I couldn’t be more grateful to God that is giving us the opportunity to have more family around. I wish I could tell you how to be the mum with a village, but unfortunately I don’t think my social skills have improved that much since then. My only advice, the one that I give to myself, is to keep trying, and among those many attempts someone will come your way, and you will have a village, you will be able to trust someone, to laugh with someone, to hold a conversation without making an effort.

What is your story? Do you have your own “village”?

 

2 Comments

  1. Ana
    Saturday September 24th, 2016 / 09:16 AM

    Hola,
    Me siento muy indentificada con muchos de tus post, y aunque no tengo hijos ni estoy casada, tengo una pareja inglesa desde hace 3 años y hace 2 decidimos, debido a la situación laboral, mudarnos de Madrid a un town inglés, Huddersfield. Pero es muy duro, y describes muy bien como me siento. A veces pienso hasta qué punto la parte económica es más importante que la emocional, y la respuesta la tengo clara… no es importante y no compensa todo lo que me estoy perdiendo, amigas teniendo niños, el día a día, mi madre. Pero entonces la razón me dice que hay que comer y vivir, y desgraciadamente en España no podíamos planificar ningún futuro. Así que cada día batallo conmigo misma para intentar no sentirme tan sola en esta isla, intentar convencerme de que aquí es donde debo estar… pero la cabeza va por un lado, y el corazón tira para el Sur.
    He llegado a la conclusión de que es difícil sentirnos en comunidad aquí porque ellos no tienen esa comunidad, se relacionan de otra manera, los temas de conversación son en mi opinión poco trascendentales y eso es lo que te hace sentirte vacío y sin esa conexión especial.
    No se si eso es lo que te pasa a ti y tal vez por eso nos cueste encontrar a gente a la que poder llamar nuestra.
    Un beso y enhorabuena por tu trabajo!! Sigue publicando y animo con todo. Eres una luchadora.

    • elituesbay
      Saturday September 24th, 2016 / 08:32 PM

      Muchas gracias Ana por tu comentario! Es bueno saber que no estamos solas por lo menos en el sentimiento!Te deseo lo mejor en vuestra aventura que aunque a veces se hace cuesta arriba hay que intentar ver el lado positivo. Y si en nuestra busqueda no damos con nadie quedamos un dia tu y yo para desahogarnos online!…algo es algo 😀 un abrazo 😉

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